Writing and Life

This year has not been a great year of writing for me.  Even though writing is a creative outlet and something that often gives me energy, the fact is that it's also a lot of work and requires a lot of energy at the outset.

But this has not been a year in which I've had a lot of energy at the outset.

The demands of homeschooling wring out most of my allotted energy for the day, and the constant noise and interruptions that occur around our house throughout the rest of the day drain whatever energy may be left.

For the record, the noise and interruptions are not just from our own boys.  Our community has been blessed with many children and they do what children do: create noise!  Trying to silence everything around me so I can pull from the reserves of my creative energy has been a most difficult task this year.

And it's simply been a busy year.  Lots of visitors to host, lots of events to plan or participate in, lots of traveling for meetings, appointments, conferences, and weddings and funerals.  And for me personally, lots of hours logged on Zoom meetings for our field leadership team.  The number of available hours to sit and write have been few.

Besides the literal lack of hours in a day to write, I've felt a lack of emotional energy towards that end.  A lot of my emotional energy has been put toward a long season of trying to be an anchor while others around us have gone through seasons of stress and/or transition.  There's been a lot of transition within our community this year.  Constant comings and goings are a norm around here, but there've been some unexpected comings and goings on top of it all which have added another layer of grief and stress.  After nearly seven years of learning how to say goodbyes and hellos like it's our job, it's still hard, and harder still when it happens suddenly.  Despite how hard it is, these situations require people who are in a season of stability to step up and hold down the fort, to keep an eye on the community and plan the events and farewells, to be "the mom of the compound" and check on the kids whose parents are gone, to be "the keeper of the keys" to the houses that are empty and need cleaning and oversight and management of househelpers, and to host official hospital visitors that no one else is available to do.

Our family has been stable.  We haven't had any major life transitions or literal transitions to navigate (except helping each other process how the transitions of others impact ourselves), so we've tried to offer a sense of stability and normalcy for those around us.  We've made ourselves available to be the people others can come to, to be a listening ear or a logistics coordinator, to be an anchor.

It's been good for us to fill this role.  I feel (I hope) that we've carried it well for this season.  But it's demanded a lot of energy and has forced other endeavors to take a backseat, like my writing.

Although my personal writing projects have taken a hit this year, as well as regular blogging, the one thing I've been able to consistently maintain are my newsletters sent every few months.  That has been the most important way to maintain some level of connection with people interested in our missions journey.

And despite my overall discouragement at the output (or lack thereof) of writing, I've been recently encouraged because one of my projects this year was to print off every blog post and newsletter I've written since beginning this missions journey and put them in a binder so they could read like one big story.  To date, I've written 76 posts on our missions blog (including this one), 7 posts on the blog A Life Overseas, and have created 31 newsletters (and am about to send #32).  These numbers are significant to me because writing is how I process.  It's how I remember, reflect, and sometimes reorient myself in order to learn and grow and move forward.

I'm encouraged because, overall, that binder (which is actually two big binders at this point) is a kind of physical proof that I've done a lot of processing since I started writing missions-related material over eight years ago.  I've done a lot of reflecting, a lot of soul-searching, a lot of growing.  And I hope a lot of encouraging as other people have read my writing and been able to reflect as well.

It's humbling to know that other people read my writing even though it's just my unprofessional musings, and even more humbling when someone reaches out and tells me they were blessed by it.

My hope is that as we enter into a new season of more stability in our community, there will be a bit more time and space and energy for me to focus on writing.  There are no guarantees because if there's one thing that's true of this life, it's that there is always something else to demand your attention and relegate the non-essentials to the bottom of the priority list.  But writing is an essential for me.  At least, it's supposed to be.  I'm hoping it can feel that way again, like a core part of myself that serves a good purpose.

Because the ultimate purpose of writing, for me, is to process life.  I desire to live life and to process it so I can live it more deeply and graciously moving forward.

The Healing Ministry of Jesus

Although most people understand that we are medical missionaries, meaning that we work at a mission hospital and provide physical and spiritual care for people, it's not necessarily understood why we're passionate about this particular area of ministry.

Last year, during our Home Ministry Assignment, we explained to many people why we do what we do and now I'd like to write it down.

So, why do we do this medical missions thing?

Because it's close to the heart of Jesus.

Jesus healed people.  He spent a significant part of his time on this earth healing people - from the fever ailing Simon Peter’s mother-in-law to literally raising people from the dead and everything in between. 

Jesus was willing to touch people who shouldn’t be touched, such as the man with leprosy who begged for, and received, healing.  He was willing to incite the ire of the Pharisees and synagogue rulers by healing on the Sabbath, like the man with a shriveled right hand and the woman who’d been crippled for eighteen years.  He was willing to heal people He’d never even seen, like the centurion’s servant. Jesus even healed a person He didn’t know was asking for healing - the woman who’d been bleeding for twelve years and secretly touched his cloak. The ministry of healing was very close to the heart of Jesus.

This is why: healing points to the Father.  Jesus’s ministry of healing revealed God.  Healing was about physical healing, yes, but it was also about understanding spiritual truths, like our need to be forgiven of our sins, which Jesus taught when He healed the paralytic man that was lowered through the roof.  It opens our eyes to know more of God.

Here's another example: After Jesus raised the widow’s son back to life, “They were all filled with awe and praised God. ‘A great prophet has appeared among us,’ they said. ‘God has come to help his people’” (Luke 7:16).

Healing points to the Father.

Here's yet another example: A blind man named Bartimaeus was sitting along the roadside and cried out to Jesus to be healed.  Jesus did heal him, then and there.  “Immediately he received his sight and followed Jesus, praising God.  When all the people saw it, they also praised God” (Luke 18:43).

Healing points to the Father.

When Jesus sent out the 72 ahead of Himself, one of the instructions he gave was, “When you enter a town and are welcomed, eat what is set before you.  Heal the sick who are there and tell them, ‘The kingdom of God is near you’” (Luke 10:8-9).

Healing reveals God.  Healing and God go hand in hand.

Furthermore, the healing ministry of Jesus didn’t stop when Jesus left the earth and ascended into heaven.  In Acts we read of the disciples in the early church who were given the power to heal people in Jesus’ name.  Peter and John healed a crippled beggar outside the temple, and Acts 5 tells us, “The apostles performed many miraculous signs and wonders among the people….  People brought the sick into the streets and laid them on the beds and mats so that at least Peter’s shadow might fall on some of them as he passed by.  Crowds gathered also from the towns around Jerusalem, bringing their sick and those tormented by evil spirits, and all of them were healed” (5:12a, 15-16).

Even after Jesus was resurrected and ascended into heaven, healing was still an important part of spreading the Gospel, and it still pointed to the Father and still revealed Him to people.

And it still does that today.

So why do we do medical missions?  Because healing matters, it’s close to the heart of Jesus, and there is a great need for healing.

When we originally started looking into where in the world we could go and serve in medical missions, we wanted to find a place that had an obvious need as well as great opportunities for impact.  The Lord showed us Africa.

It wasn't until after we'd already moved to Kenya that we discovered the following map created by the World Health Organization.  It shows the global distribution of physicians.

Regions in blue have anywhere from 20-40 doctors per 10,000 people.
Regions in dark red have 0-1 doctor per 10,000 people.

We felt all the more convicted and confirmed that doing medical missions in Africa was a good and worthwhile thing to do.

Because it's close to the heart of Jesus, and it points to the Father.  Anything like that is a good and worthwhile thing to do.

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Scripture references:

Simon Peter’s mother-in-law (Luke 4:38-39)
man with the shriveled right hand (Luke 6:6-11)
man with leprosy (Luke 5:12-15)
the paralytic (Luke 5:17-26)
centurion’s servant (Luke 7:1-10)
woman bleeding for 12 years (Luke 8:40-48)
woman crippled for 18 years (Luke 13:10-13)
blind Bartimaeus (Luke 18:35-43)

Listening and Learning From My Children

Sometimes I wish that I could get out of the house more.  I wish I could pour more time into relationships, practice my Swahili, learn more about the culture, do something with my skillsets that helps people outside my house, or know more about what's happening at the hospital.  Being a full-time homeschooling mom sometimes feels like I live in a cave.  Have I seen the light of day today?  Yes, off in the distance, way over there, if I try hard enough, I can see the light.

Sometimes I imagine that I wouldn't be functioning with half a brain if I could switch things up a bit.  If I could think past the inane conversations about finishing the ugali on their plate, or the frustrating moments of reviewing for the thousandth time what the second step of long division is, or the exhausting exercise of extending grace to my child who took the precious Scotch tape outside to tape cardboard with his friends even though he knows we can't get more of that tape in Kenya...  If I could think past all of that, maybe I could be more productive or fruitful or lifegiving.

Despite the long, long hours of days on the homefront, I am deeply committed to my role as the anchor of the family.  I know how important it is to be home with the boys, to pour into them, to be a rock for them, to be their safe space and comforter and encourager.  I know they are benefiting greatly from my constant presence (which I remind myself of in the moments I want to run away and be alone for even five minutes).  I know there is much good coming from the fact that I am a full-time homeschooling mom.

But sometimes I just wish I could get out of the house more and do other things.

Since that's not possible, I find it particularly sweet when the Lord uses my children to bless me and teach me.  And isn't it just like Jesus to use a weak and small and less-learned child to remind me of great truths or show me the way forward?  And what a mercy that God uses the people around me the most, even though they're children, to grow me when life is so nuts that I don't have time to read Scripture or pray regularly (true confessions).

Here are some gold nuggets from recent moments with my boys...

After attending a building dedication at the hospital, which was hot and long (and boring for the kids who had never been to an event like this before), I left early with the boys after only sitting there for 2 hours.  While walking home, I explained to them why this was an important event and why it was good for us to be there.  I also explained why it takes the better part of a day to dedicate a building, to which Caleb replied with great insight, "Kenyans are way more patient than Americans."  And he is right.  We ended up having a great conversation about some of the ways Kenyan culture and American culture show honor and respect differently, and why I appreciate how Kenyan culture does it.  It was a beautiful reminder of how we can learn from each other if we take the time to participate in each other's cultures.

Learning about other places and cultures around the world is really important to our family, even when the news is hard to swallow.  As the war in Ukraine continues, we've had several conversations with our boys about what's happening and why it breaks our hearts.  One day Asa blurted out, "War is the worst thing ever!  Well, except for sin."  And he is right.  We proceeded to talk about sin and the corruption of our hearts and how that's directly connected to what's happening in Ukraine and Russia right now.  It was a powerful reminder of the severe significance of our sin - why it's so serious and why it matters, and therefore why Jesus' love and sacrifice is also so important.  Sin has led to every war ever.  But Christ came to deal with sin, to rescue us from sin, to give the hope of abolishing sin forever.  That is really good news, and my 6-year old helped me remember that.

Speaking of current world events, Kai is more faithful than any of us to pray persistently for what's happening around the world.  When we pray at meals, he will pray for God "to stop the riffraff in Afghanistan and help the people there" and "to stop the war in Ukraine" and "to please stop the coronavirus forever."  That kid remembers what needs prayer, and he is faithful to it.  He believes that prayer matters, that it helps people, and that God hears and answers.  And he is right.

Kai is also our kid with big questions burning in his heart.  A couple weeks ago he wanted to know why God would create Adam and Eve if He knew they were going to sin anyway.  Whew, good question.  We had a long conversation about that and it was good to think deep thoughts together and to rest in God's insane love for us even though He knew we would break His heart with our sin.

Most recently, Caleb comforted me in a unexpected but powerful way.  I was crying after hearing about a death in the family and was feeling terrible for filling the room with my tears yet again (since I had shed many tears in previous weeks due to hearing of several deaths in a row).  Caleb hugged me and I apologized for being so sad.  His reply: "It's okay, Mom.  You're grieving.  It's okay to be sad."  And he is right.  My child gave me permission to cry as much as I needed, and I felt infinitely more free and light because of it.

Moments like these make me forever thankful that I am a full-time homeschooling mom.  These moments are birthed out of the immense amount of time I spend with our kids.  I will never deny the desire to get out of the house more, or to have more adult conversation throughout the week, or to find ways to use my God-given gifts that remain mostly dormant in this season of life, but I will also never deny how much the Lord uses the little munchkins in my care to teach me and mold me and stretch me in transformative ways.

This life in Kenya has made that happen.  I am convinced that part of our call to missions was a call to listen and learn from my children.  I hope and pray I do it well.

Home Again

Even though it was the middle of winter when we left Michigan, we made sure to pack T-shirts, shorts, and flip-flops in our carry-on bags because we knew we'd get to wear them as soon as we made it back to Kenya.  It's been a beautiful 75 and sunny almost every day for the past few weeks and we aren't sad about it!

We're extremely grateful to my parents for their help in getting us to the airport and then helping to manage all of the luggage: 15 checked bags, car seat bag, plus carry-on bags and backpacks for everyone.  We're a bit of a traveling circus every time we head back to Kenya.  Between all the homeschool curriculum and books, supplies for the residency, chocolate chips and other America food essentials (pepperoni, cheese powder to make mac 'n cheese, taco seasoning, etc.) we easily filled all of those bags and bins!

The flights back to Kenya went well, praise God.  Our flight out of Amsterdam was delayed, so by the time we landed in Nairobi and retrieved our luggage and arrived at the guesthouse, it was 4am East Africa Time. But all in all, that was a minor hiccup and we had no complaints.

The boys did extremely well overall with only a couple mini meltdowns from Asa.  Caleb barely slept the entire time but somehow didn't suffer for it.  And Kai was as happy as a clam as long as he could play games on the screen.  We are extremely thankful for such wonderful little travelers!

leaving Detroit

happy campers

collecting our luggage in Nairobi

breathing the fresh Kenyan air

We spent a few days in Nairobi to get over jet lag, see some dear friends, and visit the dentist before heading back to Chogoria.  Then it was time to head home!  The boys were hyper as we drove out of Nairobi.  We were going home and everybody felt it in their bones.

The drive to Chogoria is beautiful with a wide range of scenery.  We pass pineapple plantations, rice fields, banana groves, and tea fields on the way to Chogoria.  My favorite parts are the rice fields (because they offer a vast beauty with plenty of white egrets scattered across the fields) and the tea fields (because they're picturesque against the lush green hills, and it means we're almost home).  We live in such a lovely place on earth and we don't take it for granted.

herding cattle

donkey cart

one of the many rice mills we pass by

a typical means of transporting large items

tea fields

When we reached Chogoria town, the boys began chanting with excitement.  Caleb shouted, "We're here!  Somebody hug me!"  So Kai said, "Okay!" and gave his brother a giant squeeze.  It filled our hearts to be surrounded by such joy in our boys!  Knowing your children are happy in the deepest part of their soul - well, there's nothing like it.

Goodness, it felt good to be home again!

The boys jumped out of the car straightaway and found their friends.  The Webbers were waiting for us and Asa and Jack fell over as they hugged each other intensely.  A sense of rightness filled the moment: we are where we belong.  The gift of being confident in knowing you're doing exactly what you're meant to be doing in the exact place you're meant to be doing it cannot be discounted or underestimated.  We all take turns wondering what we're supposed to be doing and where, so being in a season where all of it makes sense and there's peace to go along with it offers a particular kind of contentedness.  We are thankful.

In an instant we jumped right back into life in Chogoria!  So many friends came over to say hi and to play with the boys.  We were greeting people late into the evening and felt so loved and welcomed.

We were blessed with a week without any official responsibilities so we could get unpacked and settled back into our house, as well as meet with lots of folks to get up to speed on everything.  It was a fairly gentle reentry, for which we are thankful.

And then real life began.  The first week of homeschooling was exactly what I expected - a bit of a struggle to get back into routine and to get the boys to focus well on their work.  In their defense, it's hard to focus when the perfectly sunny days are calling you outside where trees are begging to be climbed and chameleons are waiting to be found a pair of black kites are swooping around the yard to find sticks for building a nest in a nearby tree.  Adventure awaits!  But school needs to be done too, so we're figuring out the balance day by day.

Eli hit the ground running, as you can imagine.  But he's happy to be back, especially to be working with the residents again.  The residency breathes life into him, and it makes me happy to know how much he enjoys his work.

And me?  I've had several Zoom meetings since donning the hat of Director of Member Health again, and have dived deep into planning our annual retreat (which I'm in charge of), and have led our weekly Bible Study, and am doing all the things on the homefront like managing the brood of boys that seem to end up playing at our house most days and baking bread and making granola from scratch and other domestic things required in this setting.  The days are full, but life is good.  We are grateful for this season.

Because goodness, it's good to be home again!

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[This is a shortened version of a post on our family blog.  You can visit here for more photos and visit our Instagram account if you want to see a few videos of our drive from Nairobi to Chogoria.]